Last month, Black Heart Creatives offered me a piece from their latest delectable collection, Live Fast Die Yum. It’s a smörgåsbord of junk food actualised in chunky acrylic: frosted doughnuts, cheeseburgers, hot dogs slathered in mustard. Bold and delicious, as soon as the collection dropped I was pining for a piece of that kitsch plastic. Anyway, wearing my Glazed and Confused doughnut around New Orleans – a city known for its love affair with eating – I got thinking about the kind of statement one makes when celebrating junk food as a thick chick.
Jawbreaker is one of my all-time favourite movies. I could watch Rose McGowan strutting around high school in a cherry red corset and killer pinup heels all fucking day. There’s one moment that resonates with me in particular (in particular she says, as if the rest of the film – in which three high schoolers accidentally murder their pal and seduce the only witness with the promise of popularity – isn’t also a relatable romp from start to finish.)
When geek-to-chic Vylette (Judy Greer) is still learning the ropes re: ruling the school in pearlescent lip gloss and an inexplicably pink wardrobe, she pulls out a brown paper lunch bag in the cafeteria. Oh, the horror. Courtney (McGowan) is quick to set her straight:
“We eat, and we eat well. We just don’t eat in public – well, at school at least. We don’t want people judging us by what we eat. It gives them ammo, and the only ones with ammo are us. I mean, food’s cool and all – it tastes good and you need it to live – but the mere act of eating invokes thoughts of digestion, flatulation, defecation, even, shall we say, complexion defection. I wouldn’t be caught dead eating a greasy pizza […] because on some terrifying level they’re associating that greasy pizza with your shiny face: a zit, a blackhead, a cluster of pores. It’s just another vexing stress that we don’t need.”
Food, shared meals and dinners out come with a certain level of social anxiety for juicy bitches, and Courtney knows exactly why. Fat people are judged for perceived behaviours based entirely on their appearance every time they leave the house, and eating in public is a common source of social anxiety for thick and thin people alike. Sceptics are welcome to take a peek at the comments section on any mainstream article featuring a plus-size person. Below the line, you’ll find myriad basics speculating on how unhealthy, slothful, gluttonous and disgusting the subject must be to look the way they do.
The thing is, what we eat doesn’t actually matter because this bullshit is paradoxical anyway: order a cheeseburger and it comes with the obligatory ‘try a fucking salad’ eyebrows. Order a fucking salad, get a free side of ‘how’s the diet going, chubs?’ smiles, or even worse: the ‘good for you’ pickle on top of the shit sandwich that is other people’s opinions on what you’re about to eat.
Wearing a juicy cheeseburger or bar of chocolate around your neck is a delicious salute to the school of not giving a fuck, and I cannot stress how much better the world is with fewer fucks for these fat microaggressions in it. Plus it’s cute and fun and a bit silly, which is also a massive bonus when it comes to jewellery and to life. I also dig the little details in the collection: the star on the end of the hotdog, the BHC print on the chocolate wrapper.
Charlotte of Black Heart Creatives has offered a 25% discount to pals of Smokin Tofu. Tip your hat to the ‘fu with the code tofu25. I’m a massive fan of BHC – they made my Smokin Tofu earrings! – so please go nuts. You’re supporting a totally independent business with a brilliant creative and body positive brain in Charlotte at the helm.